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Sentiments crucial to a child like “I’m sorry,” or even “I love you,” might have been absent or not authentic, delivered without an emotional foundation or behaviors consistent with such statements.

There is a saying in Twelve Step mutual-help groups that “We’re only as sick as our secrets,” but breaking the pattern of secrecy or the no-talk rules that may have existed in a family can be difficult.

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“This is your own personal journey and it may be threatening to family members who still view alcoholism as a moral failing or who feel you are being disloyal by telling family secrets.

You can’t take others along, but you can demonstrate positive changes.

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In their homes it may not have been okay to cry or be angry.

We can’t rewrite history, but we can take steps today to make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.” Visit the Al-Anon Web site ( to find an Al-Anon-affiliated adult children of alcoholics group in your area.

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